Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody fucking kill me now!

Ok, deep breath. Let me explain my outburst. I have a radio on my desk I listen to while I waste my life away in front of the computer. All day today I have been bombarded by a pair of commercials for a jewelry store because fucking Valentine's Day is coming. Just for the record...I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!!! Lame-ass pseudo holiday bullshit. Anyway, one is a couple of guys talking about what to get their girlfriends, the other is a pair of girls talking about what the men have bought them in the past, blah blah blah. Already it's enough to make me want to vomit. And the women are doing their best Marlborough Lites inspired "sexy" voice. Clear your fucking throat already bitch! The gist of it is this:

Female One - Oh so and so got me a box of chocolates last year and I gained three pounds.
Female Two - How dreadful! I hope he learned his lesson. (in what a stupid fucking man tone)
Female One - He did, look what he bought me this year!!
Female Two - (in orgasmic tone) Oh my god!! Diamonds!!! Are they real? (not making up that last part)
Female One - Oh yes! (gushes about how sparkly they are or some shit like that)
Female Two - What are you going to give him?
Female One - What do you think? (in smarmy tone like she taught a dog to fetch)
(insert slurping noise here)

Ok, there was no slurping noise but the rest is pretty much verbatim. This shit pisses me the fuck off. I need to go break something now be right back.