Out of the frying pan into the fire. Is that how it goes?

I thought I'd try something new for dinner last night. Well, not really new....I decided to dust off the ol' wok and do a little stir frying. I've not made any sort of real wok stir fry in years. In the past when I used the wok, I never really went by a recipe or cooking technique. So with a chicken-broccoli stir fry recipe in hand, I went to work. Got all my veggies chopped. Minced the garlic and ginger. Made a nice sauce from sesame oil, cornstarch, chicken broth and fish sauce. I was ready.

Step one: Pre-heat wok on high heat. Recipe note: wok is ready when water dropped into pan sizzles and turns to steam.

Now in my own defense I'm used to cooking with a cast iron pan that is older than I am and weighs about fifty pounds. That thing takes a while to heat up so.....

I let the wok heat up for a couple (few?) minutes then I flicked some water in the pan. Funny thing is it didn't sizzle and steam....the beads of water rolled and jumped around the pan before they disappeared. Cool! Let's see that again.
I flicked some more in and got the same result. I was fascinated by the tiny marbles of water rolling around. I wonder how Alton Brown would describe this? It's like science or something. Ok, it's got to be ready now. That pan is plenty hot.

Step two: Add half vegetable oil and swirl around pan to coat. (I really only got halfway through this step)

I add 1 1/2 tablespoons oil. And....er....I don't think the oil is suppose to sizzle when there's nothing in it. Approximately 0.005 seconds after this thought flashes through my brain the oil ignites. Let me repeat....THE OIL IGNITES. I now have a giant wok of flames.

Oh shit.

At this point I'd like to say I am very happy with how well I responded to this unusual situation. It went something like this:

"Oh shit. Shit! SHIT! Um, sink. No! Lid. Yes, the lid! (insert one brief moment of insanity where I think blowing on the fire will be a good idea) Where's the lid?! Shit!"

All the while I'm standing in the kitchen turning this way and that with a flaming wok in my hand. (Thank goodness for those long handles) Jeff is upstairs blissfully unaware of my efforts to burn down the house.

I find the lid and cover the flames. Whew! I took the wok out to the deck before I removed the lid, fire was out but in it's place was burnt sludge. I'm pretty sure I created an entirely new substance. While I cleaned the wok the sludge stuck to my hands, the sink, the sponge...everything. It was like tree sap!

Undaunted I started over and made an ok stir fry. I still had the wok way too high though and I really need to read recipe directions a few times before I begin anything. With stir fry there's no time to consult the instructions.

I'll make it again next week and it will be pefect.