2005. What is there to say? You started off harmless enough. I was still unemployed and had finally gotten my home back to some order after fostering kittens well into December. Bubby was officially ours and all was well. January brought record snow levels, another Pat's super bowl victory and a fruitless job interview with Staples corporate offices. February was looking up though. I began taking western riding lessons at Bobby's Ranch and interviewed for the Patriots webmaster of all things! What a thrill. It didn't pan out but it was a fun few weeks of dreaming. February also brought about the beginning of FW's (Fucking Woman..aka. Jeff's stepmother) reign as The Most Selfish and Horrible Woman Ever to have Breathed Air. She still wears the crown unfortunately. Not worth my hate and yet she has it anyway. March remained a lion with the white forest and Becky and I saw Duran Duran at Madison Square Garden in April. May was Virginia Beach with my best friend, riding coasters and learning to quilt. June I ran the Harpoon 5 Miler and tried to help Jeff with our garden. It was also when I got the first nibble from TJX. July brought us to Graceland for Jay & Alyson's wedding, the discovery of my Featherweight sewing machine and a job offer from TJX. August I shed my unemployed status for good or ill and we hosted our annual BBQ. September was Katrina, a beautiful hike in upstate New York, going back to Boston Equestrian and my grandmother's bankruptcy. September is definitely when it all started going to hell. October we saw U2 and went to LA for Scott & Angie's wedding. I made my first piece of clothing and learned my brother was getting a divorce. I also began experimenting with audio posts and found my new job wasn't that great after all. First weekend of November was in the 70's and I rode a horse on the beach for the very first time. Second week of November my world began to fall apart with Bubby's lymphoma diagnosis. The entire month of November was chemotherapy, pills, bad news, more pills, antibiotics, no sleep and denial. My brother's situation went from bad to worse with his drinking, hating his life, resenting his disability, you name it. In the background FW continued in her efforts to suck the will to live right out of Jeff and his brother. We hosted Thanksgiving and had my family over for dinner. My riding lessons picked up and I got a saddle for an early Christmas gift. December nearly destroyed me. I watched my good little cat get sicker and sicker and was powerless to help her. One day she was fine, the next suffering. December 12 brought an end to her struggle and laid waste to Jeff and I. So many tears. It's still more than I can bear at times. My brother decided a couple days before Christmas his life wasn't worth living and tried to end it. Thank God he was unsuccessful. We have tried to get him help in the past and are trying yet again. He needs to make some effort on his own behalf. Something he has up to this point refused to do. Maybe this time will be different. I don't know what to do and feel helpless, numb, angry, bewildered and lost. November and December have been two of the worst months of my entire life. I'm so tired of crying.

Happy New Year? God I hope so.