Quick update since I've been neglecting this place.

My new foster family goes back to the shelter Friday. I'd been pretty mum about this little group. I knew in a day after bringing them home there was no Bubby among them. I'll keep looking though. The long and short of the experience has been this: fostering five kittens is easier than fostering two with their mama. Hopefully my next group will be kittens only, or a pregnant moma. Fostering kittens from birth would be nice.

My riding lessons are going great. Yesterday I spent pretty much the entire lesson at the canter. Things are starting to click and my confidence is rising. But there was sad news at the barn as well, beautiful Phantom died. He was 23 and died out in the field.

I gave my notice at work. There was only so much sitting around doing nothing I could stand and after six months my tolerance meter finally pegged. And when I say doing nothing...I mean doing fucking nothing. There is no work for me, especially since they shut down the e-comm sites. I'm going to work for Mark. God bless you man. I hope you are doing okay.

My grandmother's back in the hospital. She had to have her toe amputated (circulation problems due to poor care of her diabetes) and she may now lose the entire foot. The words "nursing home" have now been spoken. I really hope we don't have to go down that road just yet.

My brother, who seemed so hopeful after coming out of rehab has fallen off the wagon. I'm not sure if he was ever on it actually. I'd been spending some time with him on the weekends. Helping him get his apartment set up and looking like someone lives there. Hanging out, going to the movies. I really thought he was on his way and maybe able to turn his life around. He called me Saturday to apologize. Friday night (after spending the early part of the evening with my other brother) he went out, got wasted and drove home. Before he got there though he was picked up by the police for DUI. He's lost his license (as this is not his first offense) and he's also lost hope. He's very bitter and tired of 'living life as a drunk cripple". I don't know what to do. I can't help him...he won't help himself. I worried he may try to kill himself. What do I do?

Saturday after talking with my brother I drove to the church I was married in. I wanted to sit in the place where I once felt with absolute certainty that there was indeed a God. All the doors were locked so I sat on the stairs outside. Just being there made me feel better.