I'm feeling out of sorts today. It could be the cold rain that has been falling all day. It could be from too much lamb and red wine yesterday. Could be the zero results I've seen on the scale after killing myself at the Y all month. Maybe it's my job situation and again this lonliness I feel being home all day. Or perhaps it's the stress of waiting for the next shoe full of bullshit to drop regarding Jeff's stepmonster.

Years ago when I felt this way I'd drive to the ocean. I'd take my old Chevelle to Nantasket Beach in Hull or down Quincy Shore Drive. If I wanted more people my destination would be Castle Island in South Boston. It didn't really matter where I ended up as long as I could breathe cold salty air and let my mind drift with the tide. I want to go now but the grown up in me frets about the traffic and missing my 5:35 aerobics class. And maybe that's what is really bothering me. These nagging doubts and whispers that keep from doing things because I'm worried about the outcome.