2005. What is there to say? You started off harmless enough. I was still unemployed and had finally gotten my home back to some order after fostering kittens well into December. Bubby was officially ours and all was well. January brought record snow levels, another Pat's super bowl victory and a fruitless job interview with Staples corporate offices. February was looking up though. I began taking western riding lessons at Bobby's Ranch and interviewed for the Patriots webmaster of all things! What a thrill. It didn't pan out but it was a fun few weeks of dreaming. February also brought about the beginning of FW's (Fucking Woman..aka. Jeff's stepmother) reign as The Most Selfish and Horrible Woman Ever to have Breathed Air. She still wears the crown unfortunately. Not worth my hate and yet she has it anyway. March remained a lion with the white forest and Becky and I saw Duran Duran at Madison Square Garden in April. May was Virginia Beach with my best friend, riding coasters and learning to quilt. June I ran the Harpoon 5 Miler and tried to help Jeff with our garden. It was also when I got the first nibble from TJX. July brought us to Graceland for Jay & Alyson's wedding, the discovery of my Featherweight sewing machine and a job offer from TJX. August I shed my unemployed status for good or ill and we hosted our annual BBQ. September was Katrina, a beautiful hike in upstate New York, going back to Boston Equestrian and my grandmother's bankruptcy. September is definitely when it all started going to hell. October we saw U2 and went to LA for Scott & Angie's wedding. I made my first piece of clothing and learned my brother was getting a divorce. I also began experimenting with audio posts and found my new job wasn't that great after all. First weekend of November was in the 70's and I rode a horse on the beach for the very first time. Second week of November my world began to fall apart with Bubby's lymphoma diagnosis. The entire month of November was chemotherapy, pills, bad news, more pills, antibiotics, no sleep and denial. My brother's situation went from bad to worse with his drinking, hating his life, resenting his disability, you name it. In the background FW continued in her efforts to suck the will to live right out of Jeff and his brother. We hosted Thanksgiving and had my family over for dinner. My riding lessons picked up and I got a saddle for an early Christmas gift. December nearly destroyed me. I watched my good little cat get sicker and sicker and was powerless to help her. One day she was fine, the next suffering. December 12 brought an end to her struggle and laid waste to Jeff and I. So many tears. It's still more than I can bear at times. My brother decided a couple days before Christmas his life wasn't worth living and tried to end it. Thank God he was unsuccessful. We have tried to get him help in the past and are trying yet again. He needs to make some effort on his own behalf. Something he has up to this point refused to do. Maybe this time will be different. I don't know what to do and feel helpless, numb, angry, bewildered and lost. November and December have been two of the worst months of my entire life. I'm so tired of crying.

Happy New Year? God I hope so.

Just thought I'd check in. I'm slowly beginning to feel like a human again.

To say I miss her is not enough.

Decorating last Wednesday.

She's gone. One month after her diagnosis. She died as Jeff and I rushed her to the vet late last night. I feel like I've been crying for 24 hours straight and there is no end in sight. I have no words.

Well, Bubby is doing much better. She has perked back up and is eating again although still not as much as I'd like. I'd so love for her to get fat. She and Bear were hanging around with me last night as I strung my Christmas lights. I took a little home movie of the two of them with my camera I may post later.

But now it's time for my traditional holiday link. This shit still cracks me up.

Ding! Fries are done.


Bubby watching me decorate Wednesday night.

When it's all said and done Bear is going to be the only cat left in my house.

Bubby's health has taken a bit of a downturn the past couple days. She had her chemo appointment yesterday and I went in with the feeling I was going to get bad news. She's not been eating much and has been quite listless since Sunday. I only have to look at her to know she's not feeling well and to see it further fractures my already broken heart. Prior to administering any chemo drugs the vet does a CBC (complete blood count) to get an overall view of how she's doing. Yesterday's screening turned up abnormal lymphocytes in her blood. A sign her last chemo treatment did nothing to stave off the disease. The vet suggested we change gears with the COP protocol she's on so they gave her cytoxan instead of methotrexate. If the cytoxan doesn't kick the cancer back into remission we'll have to try more aggressive rescue methods. I don't have to tell you how this is making Jeff and I feel suffice it is to say I wept my home from the vet last night. The biggest problem I'm having at the moment is with Feya. She has never been happy to share the house with Bubby and her animosity towards her has only increased now that she's sick. Every time she comes back from the vet Feya's hissing and stalking and general unpleasantness start all over again. It's driving me up a fucking wall. I've never liked how mean she was to Bubby and Bear but the two of them have been able to hold their own. Bear more so since she has five pounds on Feya. But now Bubby is sick and at 6.12 pounds (down from last week) she's got nothing to stand up to Feya with. That leaves me to defend her. The past week I've come perilously close to putting my foot in Feya's ass when I see her try to smack, stare down or otherwise intimidate Bubby. I barely sleep at night. Instead I lay awake listening for the inevitable hiss when Feya comes across Bubby on the bedroom floor or the scuffle when she harasses her off the bed. I've chased her, screamed at her, locked her in a room....everything short of actually popping her one for her bad behavior. And she knows I'm going to get mad because she takes off as soon as she sees or hears me but only when she's being a bitch to Bubby. Every other moment of the day she's all love and fun. I've tried to overcompensate with Feya for all the attention Bubby is getting but it's hard when all I want to do knock her lights out for smacking Bubby. The more uncertain Bubby's health gets the meaner Feya gets and as a result the closer I get to feline murder. And then I wonder to myself how Bear will like being an only cat.

"We're raising a bunch of wimps and cry babies!"
This was the final assessment from my riding instructor after a short rant about the "Love Me" generation as he called it. The conversation began with him giving a bit of grief to the other girl in my lesson last night. Not real grief mind you, but just enough to make you happy you're not on the receiving end of it. I know because last night I was able to chuckle at his jokes about being a big chicken on a small horse. He wasn't talking to me this time which was amazing in itself. Let me give you a bit of background so you can appreciate the humor of it.
The place I ride is owned and operated by a husband and wife team. Katie teaches my Sunday lesson and Jamal takes on the Thursday night group. Jamal is also a horse trainer and competes internationally on the Grand Prix circuit. Years ago when I first came to Boston Equestrian I was terrified of the guy because the only time I saw him was when he was training the jumpers and he was always yelling at the riders. He's mellowed considerably since then and I have found he's more amusing than frightening. Imagine a Moroccan Arab with a French accent and you're nearly there. Add a hefty dose of "reformed" ladies man and political incorrectness and you've got him. He's always quick with a joke and gives his view on life quite freely. If, as a woman, you have a problem being called "sweetheart" "cutie-pie" or any manner of silly pet name you might as well go home. Stuff like that has never bothered me anyway and I would think it foolish to expect someone who grew up in Morocco to conform to our overzealous sense of appropriate.
Anyway, back to his Love Me generation and here I must paraphrase:

"...these kids, the first thing they hear in the morning from their parent is 'I love you!' (and here he is pulling a silly face and cooing as if talking to a baby)
and at night the last thing they hear before bed is 'I love you!' And what happens?? The first time someone tells them "no" they wrap a cord around their neck and hang themselves. We're raising a bunch of wimps and cry babies!"

Funny thing is Katie is American and they've got three young children. I can only imagine (and laugh) at what it must be like on parent night at school or some other social situation where they've got to mix with your usual bunch of suburbanites dead set on raising mindless and soft consumers. I'm sure there's a sitcom in there somewhere and it sure as hell wouldn't need a laugh track.

My neighbor around the corner already has Christmas lights up on his house. Not so bad I suppose, but you can see through the front window he's got a tree up already too. Crazy. Not even December yet. Granted, Thursday is December but today is Monday. Monday people! Hope ya'll had a nice holiday. I survived having my family over and actually had a fairly decent time as did they. Well, at least that's what they told me anyway. Turkey came out awesome. The secret is brine. Brine people. Brine the turkey and it won't be dry and it will taste delicious. Trust me. Well, trust Alton Brown, it was his idea. I just went back and deleted two fucks from my post. Man I swear too much, even when I type. You have to admit though "deleted two fucks" sounds pretty funny. And there I did it all for nothing. Jeff and I had our Thanksgiving morning run Thursday. The weather was not quite as nice as last year but running in the snow was kind of fun too. It was as warm as it can be with snow falling and Jeff decided to run with me again this year instead of finishing the race at his usual time. So now I have two Turkey Classic Road Race t-shirts. It's becoming a bit of a tradition for me (has been for Jeff since '02) and I must say it's a fun way to begin the holiday.

Now for some good kitty news, Bubby had her third session of chemo today and so far she's doing great! No side effects, up to 6.4lbs from 5.5 last week and her blood count and breathing are good. For the most part I am still able to trick her into eating her prednisone but she always seems to know when there's heart medicine in the treat I'm giving her. It must be very bitter because it's a quarter the size of the prednisone and she always spits it out. Lately I've been coating it with butter before pilling her the old fashioned way. (Read..prying her mouth open, slipping the pill in and holding it closed until she swallows it.) It sucks but it must be done and she doesn't seem all that traumatized by it. Unlike Jeff and I. :P

Speaking of the man, Jeff spent some of his four day weekend brewing (god love him!) and here are some pictures of he and Bubby admiring the fruits of his labor. You can see Bubby's shaved front right leg in the picture. That's where they've been giving the IV and taking her blood. Why they have to shave all the way around I have no (fucking) idea.


Bitter on the right, IPA on the left. Mind you it ain't done yet!


Bubby favoring the bitter.


Ahh, the scent of fresh brew!


A quiet moment.

Since I took those pictures, two more carboy's of beer have been added to the basement. Another IPA and a wheat. 20 gallons of my kind of beer. Heaven help me!
Seems these days I have three topics, my cats, my riding lessons and my job. Let's move on shall we?
Riding lessons are going great. I did quite a bit of cantering last week and this past Sunday had a good workout with Phantom. He being the beautiful, black horse who does not go easy on you. (er...on me) I love that horse, he really makes me work. I also nealy kissed the dirt again during the lesson. Some folks outside the ring were messing about with a tractor and it spooked my horse. He shied quickly left and I nearly ended up on the ground. Was quite sure I was going to actually but managed to stay aboard. Katie (my instructor) was so proud I didn't fall off...needless to say I was as well. No cantering on Phantom since he's a bit too much horse for me (being a retired race horse) but that was ok. Amazing to think of the progress I've made in less than two months. It's all the amount of time spent in the saddle and that time costs money. It really is the only reason I don't quit my stupid job. Ooops, did I say that out loud?? Well there you go, all topics covered.

:P

Well, it's official....the Universe hates me. That's been the sort of running joke between Jeff and I lately. We say it to try to make a (poor) joke of the fact it seems every good thing that has ever happened to us is now being evened out on the bad scale and our poor Bubby is bearing the brunt of it all. This amazing little cat who greets me in the foyer every night when I come home from work with a squirm on the floor in anticipation of a belly rub not only has cancer, but a bad heart as well. Along with lymphoma (which seems to be on it's way to remission, thank Christ) she's got hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I read about it online and I'm sorry but I haven't the energy to explain it all. She could be fine or not. Wait and see. Watch for symptoms of X Y and Z. In the meantime give her this pill everyday for the rest of her life. That makes two pills a day. Thank Christ (again) we found a way to trick her into eating her little pills without knowing it. I roll them in canned cat food then roll the little pill-laced, meatball in crushed crunchy cat treat. I then shake the treat bag to call Bubby and Feya for a snack. Bear never comes....fat as she is she doesn't eat treats and that shit is amazing considering she's fifteen pounds of cat. Meanwhile, eleven pound Feya and five and a half pound Bubby come running. I give each of them two but one of Bubby's is the pseudo-treat with meds. So far she's been eating them no problem. Jeff mentioned aloud yesterday what I'd been thinking ever since I got the shit news about her cancer nearly two weeks ago. She is too good and too special to be on this earth for very long. It makes me think of the line in Bladerunner about a candle that burns twice as bright only burns half as long.
All this stress has launched my nervous compulsive hair pulling into overdrive. I'm going to be bald by Christmas I'm sure and then people will think I'm the one having chemotherapy.

Yeah, well...so. Bubby's home. She had chemotherapy on Thursday and goes back again this week for her second session. She's been eating and purring and doing many kitty things like trying to catch birds through the window (and if it weren't for that pesky glass, she'd have had two in as many days!). Jeff and I are very happy to have her home and I know she is happy to be here too. When I let her out of the carrier on Friday after getting back from the vet she tore all around the house as if to make sure everything was still there. Her breathing has remained stable since she's been home and that's a good thing. I cannot dwell on the future or what's to come. I'm going to enjoy the now as much as I can. I just can't spend the next 4, 6, 8 months, year, year and a half or two years crying. I just can't do it. It's fucking exhausting.

Weekend was pretty good all things considered. Spent a quite Saturday cleaning my much neglected house. Hell I even finished a quilt! Craziness I tell you. Sunday I had my riding lesson and my most excellent and tolerant husband came with me. Not to see my lack of riding skills but to buy me my Christmas present. Settle down now...he didn't buy a horse! That's next year. I'm kidding Love. KIDDING!!
Nope, he bought me my first real piece of equipment, my very own saddle. And while there he took some pictures around the barn (links below). I am determined to become a good rider. These few years I've been doing it I've been treating it more as a half-assed hobby than a real sport. No wonder I suck and am still a timid beginner. Which I fucking HATE! Not the being a beginner part, but being timid. Yes, I am a big fucking pussy. Ooh, I'm 34 and might fall off and get hurt! I need to nut-the-fuck-up. "Timid Rider" arg! I hate that term. Well I refuse to wear that badge any longer. Bring on my head-tossing friend Phantom, he'll help me out. And by help me out I mean be extra tough on me in the ring and not listen to any of my (poorly executed) commands and throw his head around in an effort to make me the goat. I will not be the goat!

Oh yeah, and my fucking job drives me fucking insane! Fucking people need to leave me the fuck alone and not tell me how to code a fucking web page. FUCK!

Now for some happy links:

Indy the narcoleptic horse (I'm not kidding)

Phantom sizing me up for the goat I am

barn bums (mine's on the left)

leaning too forward at the canter cuz I suck

my x-mas present...thanks Love!

Bubble is coming home today!
We had about a half hour visit with her at the vet last night. She's in ICU so we were in the thick of it with many vets and vet techs treating an array of dogs and cats. She was very happy to see us and there was much purring and head-rubbing. We even got a couple little meows. Her appetite is good and she's been getting lots of rest. They started her chemotherapy yesterday so she still had the iv needle taped to her paw which she didn't like one bit. I told her she was a good girl and kissed her a hundred times. I can't wait to get her home.

i didn't think it could hurt this much

...to aud-blog or not to aud-blog?

like, boo man.

Pictures:
jeff's shirt
detail of button
arthur dent, zaphod beeblebrox and the headhunter
jeff with my mask

Too lazy to type.

I feel terrible about how little I've been posting here lately and truth be told I have no excuse really. Any valid reason I thought I had sounds like a cop-out to me so I'll not bore you with them. Besides, my life has been interesting these past few weeks but not entirely interesting in a good way. Not to say it's usually boring either. Please bear with my fragments. I'm lucky if I can have a complete thought much less a sentence.

It's 9:53PM and Jeff will be home from class soon. I don't know if I've mentioned it but he's gone back to school this past summer. He's going for his Masters in Finance and currently taking two classes along with working full time. As a result Monday's & Wednesday's I am on my own until around 10PM. He's doing well in his courses as always but not without a great deal of work on his part.

My own 9-5 job is going well. I'm still very much enjoying it and I work with some really great people. They are a young bunch (most in the 22-28 range) but I can't help but like them. They are open and candid and we have a lot of laughs. My only objection to my job itself is that there are so many people and processes involved with everything it seems to make getting work done a bit more difficult than it needs to be.

In other news I found out this past week my brother and his wife are getting a divorce. It's not really a surprise for anyone in my family since they've been talking (threatening each other with) it since they were married nearly ten years ago. I feel terrible for my niece and nephew and fear for my brother's welfare. God knows what trouble he'll get into living on his own. There's nothing I can do but hope and advise. My brother has always been the black sheep of the family. He got into the most trouble out of the five of us, pushed back at boundaries the hardest, not to mention getting into into fist fights with my Dad. Situations I'd rather not remember to tell the truth. He was the wild child and lived as such. I honestly believe if not for the aneurysm/stroke he had eight years ago, he'd have been dead in a ditch by now. He's always made this choice to live hard and nothing I or my family have said to him has made any difference. I worry, it seems all I can do.

Speaking of worry I am in the middle of filling out a chapter 7 bankruptcy petition for my grandmother. Her slight bingo habit was not the problem, the problem was trying to pay off ten year old credit card debts that survived my grandfather.

Let's see what else, my horseback riding lessons are going great. I am a much better rider than I was the last time I took English lessons. So much so that I can tell I'm much improved and that's saying something. Unfortunately my lessons and all other exercise are on hold right now due to some trouble my back has been giving me. Out of the blue last Sunday (right before my lesson of course) my back deceided to spaz out on me. Me being a dumbass popped some Advil and went to my lesson anyway. I felt fine while riding but after the lesson...not so much. Etc....etc. I'm hoping to get back on Baron (the horse!) next week. And back to the Y for step, and back to running a few miles.

On a happy note Jeff, Becky, Brenda and I are going to see U2 at the (Banknorth) Garden here in Boston on Monday. I've heard they are playing older stuff. I hope they play Party Girl but I'll take 40. :)

And at the near end of October Jeff and I (and many of our friends) fly out to L.A. for Scott & Angie's wedding. It will be a short weekend trip for the two of us but I can't wait to see everyone. It will be good for my soul!

Remember that riding lesson I had on Saturday? Did I happen to mention it was was 45 minutes long? Just me, Pam (my new instructor), Baron (the horse), one big-ass indoor ring and lots and lots and LOTS of posting. Did I also mention I went to the Y that morning too? No? I hit my favorite Step & Cross Training class. I thought perhaps I should skip it since my lesson would be less than two hours later. I didn't skip it. I also thought while I was there I should take it easy, maybe only use one riser on the step. Nope, didn't do that either.

Did I mention my legs are fucking cooked?

Fucking. Cooked.

I won't be going to aerobics tonight. Hopefully I'll be recovered enough for step tomorrow or at the very least for my next riding lesson on Thursday cuz yeah, I'll be doing that twice a week now.

I think my brain may be cooked too.

Wow. September 16. How'd that happen?

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. It has been eleven days since my last post (confession). In that time I have not, in fact, packed Bear off to live with Becky. Turns out the cat had a bladder/GI infection which may or may not have been causing her to piss all over the house. So for the past week I have been plying her with liquid antibiotics. It's gotten to the point she runs when she sees me. Good job!

I've also gotten back on the exercise bandwagon this week. Monday I did aerobics (at the Y), Tuesday step class, Wednesday I sat on my ass, Thursday I ran thee miles and tonight I did a bunch of 12 oz. curls. Tomorrow I hope to get to step/cross training *and* I have a riding lesson at 11:30AM. I'm going back to Boston Equestrian for my lessons. I'd have preferred to continue at Bobby's Ranch taking western style riding lessons but it just didn't work out. BEC offers the following the ranch does not:

1. Closer to home.
2. I can take lessons twice a week.
3. Better indoor riding facility.
4. More hands-on with the horses. Re: I groom and tack up/un-tack my own horse. I prefer this as opposed to being handed a horse at the beginning of the lesson and having it led away by someone at the end.

So that be that. Christ I'm a boring old fuck.

I'm sorry I've been neglecting this place of late. My life has very quickly gone from nearly insane with boredome (pre-job) to nearly insane with shit to do and things on my mind. I'm not going to go on about the hurricane or the relief efforts or the finger pointing going on down south. It's a shit storm and it will pass but not before hundreds if not thousands of people will be buried. Maybe in the end a few higher ups will lose their job. A minor price to pay considering what so many others have lost.

Speaking of jobs I am still loving mine. I've had to get comfy on a mac very quickly (I've been a pc girl all my life) so that's been fun. I've also learnt that Photoshop and ImageReady are not so difficult after all. Anyway, I love going to work and especially love getting paid. When I was unemployed I quietly worried about money despite Jeff having a good job. I blame it on the fact I grew up poor and my parents were always just scraping by.

This brings me to my next ramble. I found out today that my grandmother, a woman in her mid seventies and who has lived her entire life from paycheck to paycheck is only barely keeping herself afloat. She is my only surviving grandparent and has been so for about thirteen years. My mother is her only surviving child and for as long as I can remember their relationship has been a bit strained. My grandmother needs help and this I will give her but along with the help I must deal her a harsh bit of reality regarding her spending and bingo habits. It's not going to be fun but I'll do it anyway. I know my eldest brother will help me but my mother, sister and two other brothers I'm not so sure. I'll explain the situation and ask they assist any way they can but I really have no expectation and that makes my shoulders sag. Have I mentioned the reason I found out about her financial situation is because she's been in the hospital for nearly three weeks? She's diabetic and was having problems with her circulation, her leg nearly "died", was operated on, was infected, blah blah blah. She'll be moved to rehab any day now and may not be home for another three weeks. Hence the need to check her mail and bills and for my unhappy discovery.

More fun news: my cat Bear has pissed in my living room, drawing/quilting room, on the spare bed (twice) and in the foyer (in Jeff's duffel bag) all over the course of a month. Becky, in her infinite kindness, has offered to foster her to see if her "problem" is related to living with other cats. I took Bear to the vet when the first incident occurred and there is nothing physically wrong with her. I have four litter boxes in my basement I clean regularly, I even bought a ton of this ridiculously fucking expensive cat pheromone shit called Feliway that was recommended by the vet. Nothing has worked. I refuse to play "find the piss" every fucking day so she has to go. If she pisses in Becky's house I will take her to a no-kill shelter and hope for the best.

Now for something more light hearted. Jeff and I visited his cousin and girlfriend in upstate NY this Labor Day weekend and went on a beautiful mountain hike. Six hours, nine miles and many beautiful views and pictures* later we were all completely exhuasted. It was a great time and I can't wait to do it again.

*Here are a couple.

Unfortunately, this just goes to show that despite September 11th, this country is completely incapable of dealing with large scale disaster.

Chaos is New Orleans

Well, so ends my first *real* week of work. Training is over and I'm officially on my own to sink or swim. No worries though. So far I LOVE MY JOB!

Sure it get's frustrating dealing with so many facets and people and processes but it's still a great place and I am loving it.


And Friday's are extra special cuz it's payday!

Woo-Hoo! Money!

The time: 5:50PM - Friday of last week

The place: Ashland Main Liquors

The object: Twelver of Harpoon IPA

The thought: "Admiral Nelson rum? Geeze not too big a rip off of Captain Morgan. It even has an over the top portrait of 'the Admiral' on the bottle! Lame. And of course, it has to be marketed right next to Captain Morgan. God forbid somebody have an original idea. What's next? Ensign McGilligutty's bathtub moonshine?"


*thinks*

"I need to copyright that shit."

Okay, for those of you who work or have worked for a large corporation this is old hat. To me it is beyond bizarre.

MailBot?

MAILBOT!!

There is machine that rolls around the building "delivering" mail. It beeps, has flashing lights and trundles down hallways, around corners and up and down between cube rows then stops at points along it's route to wait as people pick up or drop off mail before it continues on it's way.

We have a fucking droid.

*exhales*

Well I had my first day at the new job today and it was AWESOME! I met lots of new people and so far they all seem like very cool people! I know I am going to be able to kick ass at this position but I'm a tiny bit nervous in that it seems, despite being a new hire, I'm already higher up than some folks already there. But I guess that's not unusual considering how freaking HUGE this company is. This morning and early afternoon was orientation with the buildings (three towers, cafeteria, two fitness centers, golf center, day care, dry cleaning, mail room, parking...whew!) then I went on to my new cube which is very roomy and has a gianormous Mac and met my co-workers. So far so good! The rest of the day was spent in mini-meeings with people I'll be working with and getting an idea of what they expect of me. This is going to continue all week! Tomorrow more introductions and some training on new software, I even have to go to an off site building to meet with folks from systems. Wow. Wowee-wow-wow. First day = loving it.

Have I mentioned it's 6.5 miles away?! Please don't hate me!

For the voyeur in all of us. I'm still not sure how I feel about this site.

Man is it hot today, it's like Africa hot. Relief in the form of thunder showers are coming tonight which is good because then I'll be able to open the windows again. I hate having to keep them closed. This past weekend was perfect weather wise. Let me repeat, it was PERFECT! Sunny, 83 degrees and breezy. Perfect. Both Saturday and Sunday. Now, not so much.

So just so you know, my new nickname is Quilty McQuiltsalot. I finished my nephew's quilt, see here.

And have begun, and am already half way finished with another project, see here.

It was too hot to sew today. Well that and I need more batting and was too lazy to go to the fabric store. Um, that's not entirely accurate. I was going to hit the store after I bought some work clothes at the mall but I met with such a resounding failure at said mall I said "fuck it!" and went home. It's too hot to drive, too hot to shop, too hot to blah blah blah.

My solution? 24 ounces of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Not the best solution mind you, but a cold one.

Oh, and the start date for my new job is Monday, August 8th!

But before that, one more trip to Virginia Beach with Becky to see Duran Duran on August 3rd! Hardy (fuckin) har har. *ahem*

The real reason I'm so desperate for a job:



Were I in an office environment right now, I could be bitching about how the air conditioning is too cold! Instead I'm stuck in the house doing my contract work. Upstairs. In the office. With no ac. It's so hot I've got all the windows closed and the shades drawn in a (vain) effort to keep the house cool. Not sure it's working.

Latest word on the job front was received on Friday in the form of a brief email from my staffing rep informing me I'm still the "top candidate" but they have someone internal who wants the job "who they do have to meet with".

Bah.

So my quilting hobby has officially taken on a life of its own. The weekend of the Fourth I started a quilt for my three year old nephew/godson. I gotten about half way through making the top before the sewing machine I'd borrowed from my mom decided it had had enough and instead of stitching, made lots of knots instead. As luck would have it about a week later Jeff brought home probably the one thing left in his father's house of any use & value. A pre-World War II portable sewing machine, the Singer Featherweight 221, mint with all accessories. It is FUCKING GORGEOUS and runs beautifully. Turns out these little machines are EXTREMELY popular among quilters and what not. It's worth roughly $500 but I ain't selling it. I had her tuned up the past week and last night made great progress on the quilt. See! Oh and here's another picture. I'm putting another 4" border in the light blue novelty fabric around it then the top will be done.

Becky, you and your mom have created a quilt monster!

After a couple unanswered emails and phone calls to my staffing rep she finally got back to me yesterday.

She's waiting to hear back from TJX's HR department but so far I am "the top candidate."

sigh

Still. No. Word.












Fuckers.

Still no word on the job front. They requested and were given three references on Wednesday. I know they called them (thanks Mark!) so that's not the hold up.

It's like Tom Petty says..."the waiting is the hardest part."

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I dunno, that crazy owl was always biting into the shit before we could find out, curse him.

How many job interviews does it take before a rejection or offer of employment is forthcoming? Fucked if I know. This morning I had two more sit downs with folks from TJX. One hour with the AVP and one hour with the VP of the department. Oh, and I had a phone interview with HR last week and I'm still no closer to knowing if the job is mine. I think it is. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't go this far if they didn't want me, right? I'm dying to celebrate but have been holding back just in case. Just in case the rug (which is looking mighty fine and I really want to keep) gets pulled out from under me.

Either way I'm exhausted. I didn't get much sleep last night due to anxiety over today's meeings. And I've already gone on about how draining it is to smile, nod and talk a good game about yourself for hours at a time. I think a nap is in order. Or an attempted nap at the very least.

How am I expected to get any work done with this cat on my desk!

(The link is for yet another mindless mini movie I shot with my digital camera. Make sure you got those speakers turned up!)

I finished off the tattoo with colored pencil this morning. The scan looks very muddy...you'll just have to trust me it looks better in person. Also, I'm not great with color, it's why most of my stuff stays nothing but lines.

Zodiac Sisters

So my sister's been bugging me for a tattoo design for well over a year now. My mom (the traitor!) told her the only way to get me to actually draw anything for her would be to bug me about it constantly. Sad but true, I don't know why, I just don't draw as much as I used to. Two or three nice pieces a year is about all I've been producing lately. What can I say, I'm a lazy bum. Part of the problem with this design was there was no design! She asked me to draw something that represented the two of us, a kind of sisterly tribute or something like that. Now I actually have to think about it and come up with a concept as well as put it to paper. I'm so put upon I tell you! (I'm kidding of course) She was leaning towards having a pair of my skeletons inked into her arm but I dissuaded her from that idea as it was a terrible one. They would look ridiculous without the crazy dark backgrounds bringing out the white of the bone and the red halos. It's just not something that can make the leap to body art. So that left me with coming up with a new idea and after putting it off for about six months I finally came up with the perfect solution. The zodiac! And as fate would have it, we're both animals (as my mother can attest to). She a Leo and I Aries, the lion and the ram. Perfect! You can imagine how this may not have worked out so well. Crab and bull, scorpion and a couple fish, bucket of water and a purple gorilla....you get the idea.
After studying some photos of lions and rams I made a quick little sketch which instead of being just a trial run of how well I'd grasped the flow of the animals turned into the main theme I went with. You can see that here. With that done I had to figure out how to finish it off and frame it in such a way it made a solid tattoo. The tattoo location usually has a large influence over the shape and overall design, unfortunately in this case it wasn't helping, she wants it on her forearm. A bizzare place for a woman to be sure but then, my sister isn't quite ah....conformist.
Anywho, I got to thinking about the zodiac and their stellar constellations which got me thinking about compasses mariners used to map the stars. What I was really thinking of was that giant contraption in Dark Crystal but a quick google later brought me here which was a good start. An astrolabe! It would make the perfect frame for the lion and ram. Digging further into my results brought me paydirt, the Prague Astrolabe Clock. Since the tattoo can only be so big I focused on the center dial on the top clock face, that would be my frame which I completed last night. It was done entirely on the computer using Fireworks and my graphics tablet. All that's left for me to do is color in one or two copies with colored pencil but in the meantime, here it is!

With the fucking of the head, and junk and stuff like that....

TJX wants me in for one more interview with the AVP and VP of the Marketing and Creative departments. "This is a good sign!" my staffing rep assures me.

First opening they have is July 5th. Is it just me or is this cruel and unusual punishment??

I SWEAR TO GOD if I don't have a job at the end of this circus routine I am going to lose my shit utterly and completely.

But hey.....GO ME!

:P

My second interview at TJX today went well although I'm no closer to knowing if I actually got the job. I did get the "they're very close to making a decision" line which doesn't ease my anxiety in the slightest. If I bought a new suit for nothing I'm going to be pissed.

I still have that pain in the neck! Go figure. It's much better but still sore. I was able to do a very little dancing at the wedding on Saturday. We had a terrific time and it was wonderful to hang out with old friends, some of whom I'd not seen in nearly ten years. Graceland was pretty cool despite the green shag carpets and white porcelain monkeys. Memphis itself was one of the most depressing areas I've ever seen. Poor and run down doesn't quite cover it and the stifling heat and humidity only added to the air of oppression. Anywho, I've got lots of pictures to post but I've got zero motivation to resize and upload them so I'll just leave you with one of my favorites from the weekend.

Jeff doing his best Elvis impersonation at the reception.

Just a quick post as I am in extreme pain due to a freak muscle spasm in my neck...

Got a call from the staffing agency, the guy I met with on Monday "loved me" and I'm going back this coming Monday to meet with his counterpart. Yay!

Tomorrow (providing my head doesn't fall off my shoulders) Jeff and I are off to Memphis. Our good friend Jason is getting married at Graceland. I anticipate lots of friends and fun.

If my neck doesn't feel better soon....I'm going for the percoset.

Still waiting for word on the job interview. I got a message from the staffing agency yesterday afternoon. Of course they called the half hour I was out running an errand. Arg! Anyway, she said they got a message from TJX saying my interview went well and they were expecting to hear something soon. She went so far as to say she thought she'd have some news for me by end of day yesterday. Alas, I have yet to heard back from them. I'm getting anxious! Actually no, I AM anxious.

Job interviews are such a mind fuck I tell you. It's tiring work as well. After the hour or so talking about the job and how great I'd be at it I was exhausted! I got in my car and slumped into my seat like a rag doll. Now I get to go through the best part, the days and days of mental tug of war being waged between the Stuart Smalley in my head (I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it people like me!) and my ever present self doubt (You suck! Of course you're not going to get the job, duh.). Job hunting is easy...it's when they call you in, look you over and reject you that's hard.

(insert heavy sigh here)

In other news I'm stuck in the house for the next couple hours as I await the carpet cleaners and then perhaps I'll go for a run. I also had a great riding lesson this morning on Cedric. I want to steal that horse! He's so sweet, has such a nice soft trot I can sit to and canters on command. He makes it easy for me to concentate on my form (heals down, lean back, relax!) and just have a good time. I need to bring my camera with me next week so I can take some photos of the ranch cause I know ya'll are just dying for some horsey pictures!

Thank you everyone for sending out positive job interview vibes. I think they worked. I had a great interview and feel as optimistic as I ever have. The place is huge and gorgeous and the two folks I met seem pretty cool. Salary range is perfect and the commute is six freakin miles! I sent the guy a thank you email this morning and have nothing to do but wait and hope. The web department is very busy and with only 11 people they are looking to bring in new flesh as soon as they can. That said, hopefully it won't be a long wait.

And today is the Summer Solstice so get out there and enjoy the longest day of the year.

Note to self, running three miles at high noon when it's 75 and sunny is not fun. Although I still did it in 32 minutes. Har!

Well here I go again. I have a job interview today at 3PM with TJX. I feel good. I've prepared my own questions along with answers to some standard interview inquiries. I've been over every inch of the website. The prospect of working for such a large, local company is very exciting. The corporate offices are here in Framingham and it houses about 2,700 workers. Unfortunately, now that I am excited and want the job I'm nervous and have my usual "I'll never get this" thought floating around my brain.

Maybe I'll go for a little run to clear my head.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

:)

Out of the frying pan into the fire. Is that how it goes?

I thought I'd try something new for dinner last night. Well, not really new....I decided to dust off the ol' wok and do a little stir frying. I've not made any sort of real wok stir fry in years. In the past when I used the wok, I never really went by a recipe or cooking technique. So with a chicken-broccoli stir fry recipe in hand, I went to work. Got all my veggies chopped. Minced the garlic and ginger. Made a nice sauce from sesame oil, cornstarch, chicken broth and fish sauce. I was ready.

Step one: Pre-heat wok on high heat. Recipe note: wok is ready when water dropped into pan sizzles and turns to steam.

Now in my own defense I'm used to cooking with a cast iron pan that is older than I am and weighs about fifty pounds. That thing takes a while to heat up so.....

I let the wok heat up for a couple (few?) minutes then I flicked some water in the pan. Funny thing is it didn't sizzle and steam....the beads of water rolled and jumped around the pan before they disappeared. Cool! Let's see that again.
I flicked some more in and got the same result. I was fascinated by the tiny marbles of water rolling around. I wonder how Alton Brown would describe this? It's like science or something. Ok, it's got to be ready now. That pan is plenty hot.

Step two: Add half vegetable oil and swirl around pan to coat. (I really only got halfway through this step)

I add 1 1/2 tablespoons oil. And....er....I don't think the oil is suppose to sizzle when there's nothing in it. Approximately 0.005 seconds after this thought flashes through my brain the oil ignites. Let me repeat....THE OIL IGNITES. I now have a giant wok of flames.

Oh shit.

At this point I'd like to say I am very happy with how well I responded to this unusual situation. It went something like this:

"Oh shit. Shit! SHIT! Um, sink. No! Lid. Yes, the lid! (insert one brief moment of insanity where I think blowing on the fire will be a good idea) Where's the lid?! Shit!"

All the while I'm standing in the kitchen turning this way and that with a flaming wok in my hand. (Thank goodness for those long handles) Jeff is upstairs blissfully unaware of my efforts to burn down the house.

I find the lid and cover the flames. Whew! I took the wok out to the deck before I removed the lid, fire was out but in it's place was burnt sludge. I'm pretty sure I created an entirely new substance. While I cleaned the wok the sludge stuck to my hands, the sink, the sponge...everything. It was like tree sap!

Undaunted I started over and made an ok stir fry. I still had the wok way too high though and I really need to read recipe directions a few times before I begin anything. With stir fry there's no time to consult the instructions.

I'll make it again next week and it will be pefect.

Scare ya?! Me too. I found it on my tomato plant the other day. Click the image for another shot of it and here for the movie I took after my heart rate returned to normal.

Staffing agency is now supposedly hooking me up with two interviews in the coming days (weeks?). One with TJX and another to re-interview with Staples. You'll know as soon as I do if anything pans out. Can you tell I've gotten a bit jaded about the whole thing?

I'm doing another race this Saturday. A little 3 miler with my neighbor that should be fun and hey, I get another t-shirt! Speaking of races, Jeff thinks I can do this: Danskin Women's Triathlon. And even more amazing is I'm actually thinking about it.

Eight forty and it's still hot out there. In the mid eighties and the sky is not so dark that I cannot see the storm clouds blowing in. Here and there a frantic, chilled breeze whips through the trees outside my office window as it tries to escape the low hot air. I don't mind the heat but there's no resisting the cool wind against my skin. It feels good.

I've just caught the slightest scent of fire in the air. The unmistakable aura of wood burning. The perfume is comforting in winter when you can imagine couples snuggling up to the warm crackle of fire with a glass of red wine. In the summer it's the smell of fear and destruction.

Lighting is flashing beyond the trees to the South.
No question about those thunderstorms now.





more shots of lightning tomorrow

Well I did it. I ran five miles without stopping AND I didn't come in dead last. The race was fun and I'm happy with how I did (54 minutes & change). After that our Saturday turned into a suck-fest of the Nth degree. So much drama, so much bullshit and so little desire to deal with it.

But the moment has arrived folks. Open season on varmints. I shot a squirrel who'd been raiding the bird feeder and caught a particularly stupid chipmunk in my trap. I couldn't believe it, after 86 kills last year there was a chipmunk on my front stoop. No problem. I threw down some black sunflower seed, put the trap on top of it and about a half hour later had the little fuck.

He is no more.

2005 VKC (now including squirrels) = 2

Well tomorrow is the Harpoon 5 Miler run Jeff and I signed up for a couple months back. Weather is going to be spectacular, sunny and in the upper seventies. Thank goodness the race starts at 10AM. Hopefully it will still be relatively cool. I didn't get up to five miles in my "training" but I did get up to four and I ran three yesterday. My goal is the same as last Thanksgiving's Turkey Classic, run the entire thing, no walking, no matter how long it takes. We'll see eh? Becky is coming out to cheer me on, thanks man!

In other news I got a call from the staffing agency that hooked me up with the Staples interview way back when. She's got what sounds like a perfect job for me right here in good ol' Framingham and she's trying to get me set up with an interview next week. I'll keep you posted.

And since it's frickin' GORGEOUS outside (finally) I think I'm going to do a wee bit of planting but before I do, here're some pictures of the lovely work Jeff did while I was away. Along with some other shots around the house.

Oh and today's SOTD is a silly number from Madagascar which Becky and I saw last week in VA. Movie started off on the slow side but really picked up and was quite fun, especially the penguins, monkeys and lemurs. Have a great weekend!


new super mega bird feeder


new hut bird feeder


bloomin' azalea


Jeff's plantings


back yard daisys and black eyed susans


another view of Jeff's excellent work


peas growing in the garden

Cause I just know everyone has been dying to see pictures of my as-yet-to-be-completed quilt. Here are a few shots of it. Click thumbnail for larger view.


rail fence quilt


feya likes it


detail of square

Well, I'm back from Virginia Beach. I had a spectacular time with Becky and her folks (thanks again man!) and boy was it ever nice to feel 85 degrees. Jeff surprised me with some quality gardening he did while I was away. The deer-decimated shrubs in front of the house are gone. He planted fresh green replacements along with some ground cover, Azalea and PJM Rhododendron. He also put up two gorgeous new bird feeders, some hosta and other plantings here and there not to mention the little additions to the decor indoors. I love that man. I say again, I LOVE THAT MAN!

I learned a couple interesting things this past weekend. One, I LOVE roller coasters. I rode all four coasters at Busch Gardens with Becky's dad. Big Bad Wolf was ok. Loch Ness Monster was better. But the real screamers were these two: Alpengeist and Apollo's Chariot. Fan-fucking-tastic. I had no idea I had so much breath in me to scream. What fun!

Second thing I learned was how to make a quilt. Becky's mom is an excellent teacher and I got the entire front of a nice sized quilt completed on Monday. Have I mentioned I'd never used a sewing machine in my life? I'll post pictures of it later. It's purple and blue and I just love it. Now I can't wait for people to come to my house so I can say "Look, I made this!!"

So Becky and I are off to warm (and hopefully sunny) Virginia Beach for the long weekend. I leave with this for the Song of the Day.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend y'all!

From CNN.com

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) -- Temperatures were only in the 40s or lower across much of the Northeast on Wednesday as a late nor'easter spread rain and gusty wind through the region, continuing a gloomy spring just days before the traditional opening of summer.

The National Weather Service said the storm system would bring wind of up to 60 mph to the coast of New England, along with 1 to 2 inches of rain and a potential for coastal flooding at high tide. Minor beach erosion was possible as far south as North Carolina, the weather service said.

Temperatures fell to 42 degrees Wednesday morning at Boston and 48 at New York City, the National Weather Service said. In northern Maine, Caribou chilled to just 35, in sharp contrast with the low of 53 at International Falls, Minn.

This has been the third coldest May on record in New England, National Weather Service meteorologist Frank Nocera said. The normal average for May in Boston is 58.5 degrees but this month's average has been 51.4, he said.

About 4,000 Massachusetts residents were without power early Wednesday, mostly on the state's North Shore, and there were reports of street flooding in coastal areas usually affected by storms, said Peter Judge of the Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency.

"We haven't had any calls on giant issues," Judge said early Wednesday from the agency's emergency operations center in Framingham. "But it's a little early and we've got to go through a couple more high tides before this thing goes away."

What is with this weather?!!? 49F on May 23 is unacceptable! No worries though, Becky and I are off to Virginia Beach on Thursday for five days of sun and sand.
It's not as warm down there as it was when we went last year but mid seventy degree days will feel so nice compared to this crapola.

Still job hunting and doing contract work. Still training for my five mile run in two weeks. Still SLOWLY shedding my winter weight. I'm 7.5 pounds away from where I was last July when I sprained my ankle.

Saw Episode III last week. It's Oscar worthy compared to I & II which I despised. Dialog and acting is still terrible. Ewan and the guy who plays the emperor get all the good lines. And I only groaned out loud twice! All in all, not bad. Wookies were a bit of a disappointment. They really added nothing to the movie.

Also saw Billy Idol in concert Friday. He sounded great and seemed to be having a fun time. Lots of snearing and pulling off his wife beater. The guy is ripped. I guess he's been working out. I love the way he talks, it cracks me up and I'd forgotten how many of his songs I liked. I went to Newbury Comics to pick up a greatest hits and his new album but they wanted $16 and $17 for them!! Give me a fucking break! I ended up buying a ton of dvd's instead since they were having a 2 for $20 sale. I bought Bend It Like Beckham, Grind (for Jeff), Donnie Darko, Silence of the Lambs, A Fish Called Wanda, Coming to America and Lost in Translation. Yeah, I'm a sucker for Coming to America, so what! I embrace my inner loser.

In other unrelated news Diet Coke with Splenda is good!

Cuts You Up - Peter Murphy

I find you in the morning
After dreams of distant signs
You pour yourself over me
Like the sun through the blinds
You lift me up
And get me out
Keep me walking
But never shout
Hold the secret close
I hear you say

You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
When you desire
To conquer it
To feel you're higher
To follow it
You must be clean
With mistakes
That you do mean
Move the heart
Switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place

I can't stop listening to this song.

Thomas Wolfe said you can never go home again. Ok well, not exactly. He wrote a book called You Can't Go Home Again. Either way it's been my experience that he was onto something. I had a visit with my mom yesterday. Back to the house I left after my father died. The house he grew up in and that his mother died in. The house my aunt now owns but I'm sure would much rather sell. She doesn't because my mother still lives there along with my sister and her husband (a bizarre dynamic I'll not get into).

The place hasn't changed much since my dad died eleven years ago. So much time has passed but the house remains the same. The same pots and pans in the cupboard, the same cutlery in the drawers. My mom sits in the same chair in the kitchen my father used to sit in. The toilet water still runs long after you flush it and the house is still oppressively dark inside.

There are some exterior differences like the little porch my brother-in-law built over the old concrete stairs and the new gravel in the alley, not to mention the many freshly built houses squeezed into The Port's last open spaces. The Port is short for Port Norfolk; the little south-east area of Dorchester that crowds up to the Neposet River and Dorchester Bay.
The folks in neighboring areas such as Southie or Wollaston would sometimes refer to a resident of Dorchester as a Dot Rat. You could be an even finer specimen of said breed by being a resident of The Port and as such you'd be a Port Rat. Not very imaginative I know, but there were no Southie Rats or Roxbury Rats that I know of so we were proud of our 'heritage'. Especially since my dad would tell us that in his day, he was called a Port Rat too.

The biggest change to The Port is the beautiful new park that opened up in 2001. It's called the Lower Neponset River Trail and I walked it with my mom and her dog yesterday. I was surprised to find there's an entrance to it just around the corner from the house. The sign for the new park stands at the very spot where there used to be a little dock of flounder fishing boats. For $7 they'd take you just out of Boston Harbor, supply you with rod and reel and fillet anything you happen to catch. My dad and I would pack a lunch, buy some sea worms from the local tackle shop and make an afternoon of it. Those days on the water with my pop are some of the fondest memories I have. Where now there is green lawn and a paved bike trail there once stood a ramshackle ticket booth surrounded by piles of old lobster traps. The Flounder Fleet shut down before my dad died. It seems an age has past since those warm Saturdays when the place was alive with people looking to spend some time on the sea. Standing there again was somewhat surreal but I was happy just to be there breathing the salty air. Before the park opened the area was locked up behind tall barbed wire fences and it had been many years since I last squeezed through the gates to wander the pier alone. The tide was out during our walk so things weren't as pretty as they could be but I didn't really notice. My mom and I talked about nothing and I snapped off a bunch of pictures. The trail is gorgeous and it made me both happy and sad. Happy because it's a wonderful thing to be able to stroll along the salt marshes and river. It's amazing to see how much nature remains despite the interstate on one side and the constant rumble of jets heading into Logan overhead. The sad part of course is I wish my dad was walking there with us. I've been missing him something fierce lately and this brings me back to the 'you can never go home again' thought. I can and do go home again but it's a strange place to me now. I don't know how to explain it. My mom is still there and I love her and my sister but after I visit I am overcome with melancholy that takes me days to shake off.

Anyway, here are the pictures I took.

I apologize for having nothing new or interesting to post here lately. Frankly I am amazed (though secretly happy) people still visit. What can I say? I am dreadfully boring these days. So in no particular order, here's what's up with me.

Let's see, right now the left side of my face is numb from having a bit of dental work done. I'm using that as an excuse not to go to the Y tonight.
I did a bunch of cantering at my lesson today. It was an exciting one too. Our instructor's horse went down with her on it. Thankfully no one was hurt. His (the horse) feet slipped out from under him as he was going round the ring. Guess it's a bit slippery under the dry surface.

Monday I ran the three mile loop of my neighborhood. I'm so lucky to have my very own Heartbreak Hill. In my little world it's called Hickory Hill but let's just call it what it is.....a bitch.

Spent Tuesday gardening. Weeding, planting, turning soil, you name it. Spring is the one time of year when I have a real addiction to Home Depot. The nursery in particular of course. My herb garden is planted and I've put down some new perennials and have big plans for what I like to call The Great Fern Experiment. It's top secret so I can't actually tell you about it. It's great though, and involves ferns.

My friend Sara (and her husband) have requested three times now that I come to their house to eliminate a few troublesome varmints. I shall of course oblige them. She's got the usual chipmunks but also a small squirrel that nested in the framework of their hot tub. Apparently he chewed quite a few wires during his stay and screwed up a couple of the jets. I figure shooting him is the least I can do since Sara and I have been having a nice Lunch N' Soak once a month. I'm especially keen on doing it since I am convinced I've killed all my own rodents. I've heard not a peep from them. I've seen neither hide nor hair. I'm fairly certain they are no more! I need to get in some target practice before I go over. I've not fired off a shot since last August and don't want to embarrass myself.

I've also recently discovered that Morrissey must be the most entertaining lyricist out there. I bought You Are the Quarry last year but have just really begun listening to it. It's a laugh a minute I tell you.

From I Have Forgiven Jesus:

"Monday - humiliation
Tuesday - suffocation
Wednesday - condescension
Thursday - is pathetic
By Friday life has killed me"

Brilliant!

Still here. Still breathing. Working on some tedious shit today but hey, it's a paying job. My contract work has picked up quite a bit. Not quite full time but more than part time at least. Lots of shit going on but no energy to write about it. Flowers and trees are blooming. The lawn is getting green. My cats are driving me nuts. My geckos are dying. Lost 7lbs since mid February. Want to shed at least another ten, twenty would be a dream. Summer promises to be busy and fun. VA Beach in May, Graceland in June, maybe NY lakes region in August.

And with any luck, we will be done with FW's bullshit by then.

Finally Spring is here. I know officially it's been Spring for nearly a month but screw that, March is cold! We've had a few gorgeous days in the seventies here in beautiful New England and god have I ever missed my deck and being warm. A sure sign of being out of the reach of Winter is seeing this guy at your bird feeder.



An American Goldfinch. First time I saw one of these guys was when we moved into the neighborhood a few years ago. I thought somebody's pet canary had gotten loose. Such pretty little things. The chipmunks have yet to emerge and I'm beginning to think I had a bit too much sport last Summer. Killed all my own fun I did. I made a general announcement to the woods that I would not shoot any varmints until June at the earliest. I want them to have a chance to make little varmints first! Har har har. Seriously though, there will never be another Summer like last. *Sigh* 85 VKC will be an unsurpassed milestone throughout my life. (insert maniacal laughter here)

Oh and Jeff and I are doing this race in June!


You run five miles around Southie at 11AM in the morning then drink the finest beer* there is, fresh from the brewery. Aw yeah baby. I've already begun my training and not to brag or anything but after busting my ass in 75 minute long classes like Step & Sculpt and Step Cross Training for the past two months, running feels easy. My first attempt at a run since our 3 mile Turkey Classic on Thanksgiving was, pardon the pun, a cake walk. Just for the record, I found that 3 miler hard back then. Last week I ran 3 miles without feeling winded at all. Granted I was only running a 5.5 mph pace. I'm sure come June (and it's heat) I'll be eating my words as I struggle around Castle Island, huffing and puffing as I curse my desire for a new race t-shirt.


*Second to Jeff's homebrewed American IPA that is. Yummy!

The Chrysler Building is still by far the coolest skyscaper in New York City. It's just so.....so....art deco!

But I'm now back in Boston. Good to be home despite such a short trip. Show was excellent, seats were excellent, tiny (but clean) hotel was excellent and the train ride was oh I dunno....excellent!

Man am I tired. Tired tired tired! I've been out all day running errands and getting my shit together for my little jaunt to NYC tomorrow. I'll be riding in with Jeff in the AM just like in the old days back when I had a real job. (sigh) It'll be fun though, I always like to make a special guest appearance on the train. It throws all my old train buddies for a loop. Becky and I depart Boston at 9:35 and should arrive in Penn Station around 2PM. Our hotel is .03 miles from Penn and Madison Square Garden is at the station so we'll not even have to bother with a cab. Excellent!

Our seats are on John Taylor's side right next to the stage (see green star) but a bit to the rear. Far better than the nose bleed seats I expected to settle for this close to the show date (and for what we were willing to pay, we may be Duranies but we're not stupid!).

Anyway, along with being tired I'm very excited for our little road (rail) trip. I like doing this sorta hit-and-run thing with New York. One of these days I'll actually stop and take in some attractions. But then if the sight of the Empire State building during the day is any indication....perhaps I won't bother! Becky and I saw it last time we were there and it looked so old and icky we couldn't be sure it was the Empire State. I blame Sex & The City...that show made everything in New York look beautiful. And it also makes me feel I cannot go there with nothing more than a pair of sneakers. I absolutely MUST bring the most frilly, completely nonsensical pair of shoes I own!

I have a confession to make. To many of you it won't be a confession but rather an admission of insanity. Or guilt. You can also think of it as me showing you my laminated "I Am A Freak!" card. You knew it was there in my purse all along, tucked behind the Bubblegum Orbitz. But here I am revealing it for all to see. It's out of the bag and I've shined it up on my sleeve. It's not a bad picture actually. See?

I am a card carrying Duranie. I've been one since 1983 and I am proud of it. But I am not alone. Ho no! It's much more fun being in this particular club when you have a coconspirator. A partner in crime. An accomplice! Becky I'm talking to you.

Loving the band when we were 13 aside, this all really started a couple summers ago. The band began touring again with all five original members. Something not seen since Live Aid in 1985! Oh how this world has been deprived people. You have no idea. Anyway late one afternoon I got the following email from Becky;
"They're playing in Vegas next month. We should go!"
It was half a joke and half serious and it took me all of half an hour to think it over. The next day in what can only be described as a "flutter of girlish excitement" we planned our trip to Sin City.

Me "Let's stay in the pyramid!"
Becky "Yeah!"
Me "Let's get a massage while we're there!"
Becky "Yes! We must be pampered!"
Becky "Let's take a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon!"
Me "Fuck yeah!.....I mean....what??"

That was a fun weekend. Kerri came up from L.A. to join us in our poolside cabana at the Luxor. We sipped frosty drinks and amazed at how fucking hot the desert is in July. The show was incredible too, although our "seats" sucked. And there is something truly surreal about drinking champagne at the bottom of the Grand Canyon after having flown there from Las Vegas in a cherry red helicopter.

A month later we heard talk of a show in New York City.

Me "You wanna?"
Becky "You wanna??"
Both "Yeah!"

So off we went on a mini road trip. That show was fucking amazing. Second row center at The Ritz - Webster Hall. Awesome, awesome awesome. They opened up with Friends of Mine and it remains to this day one of the best live music moments I have ever witnessed.
But Careless Memories from last Friday's show here in Boston came pretty close I tell you! I know people probably don't think anything Duran Duran does could be summarized with (cliched) phrases like "rock" "kick ass" or "man that shit was fucking insane!" But if you were to hear those two songs live....during the same show even! Sigh. If only!

Anyway, we'll see what happens next Wednesday at Madison Square Garden!

61 degrees today. Now that's what I'm talking about. And some days.....some days I love this whole contract work from home thing.

I'm feeling out of sorts today. It could be the cold rain that has been falling all day. It could be from too much lamb and red wine yesterday. Could be the zero results I've seen on the scale after killing myself at the Y all month. Maybe it's my job situation and again this lonliness I feel being home all day. Or perhaps it's the stress of waiting for the next shoe full of bullshit to drop regarding Jeff's stepmonster.

Years ago when I felt this way I'd drive to the ocean. I'd take my old Chevelle to Nantasket Beach in Hull or down Quincy Shore Drive. If I wanted more people my destination would be Castle Island in South Boston. It didn't really matter where I ended up as long as I could breathe cold salty air and let my mind drift with the tide. I want to go now but the grown up in me frets about the traffic and missing my 5:35 aerobics class. And maybe that's what is really bothering me. These nagging doubts and whispers that keep from doing things because I'm worried about the outcome.

Top Ten Things I Learned on My Birthday.

10. Cannoli counts as breakfast.
9. Presents are more fun opened in front of an audience (cats don't count).
8. MicroSoft Word still sucks.
7. "Cuz I don't feel like it." is a valid reason to skip the Y.
6. "Cuz I feel like it." or "Cuz I dont' feel like it." trump all reasoning on your birthday.
5. The smell of chocolate scorched to kingdom come in the microwave tends to linger.
4. Cake & champagne may be the perfect food-beverage combination.
3. Pizza & beer are a close second.
2. Graphic tablets are fucking cool.
1. 34 feels a lot like 33.

Four lessons. Only four lessons into it and this is what I did today.



I cantered. Well the horse (Cedric) did the cantering, I merely hung on for the ride. Man I love Western riding. LOVE IT!

I just got the email. I didn't get the job.

I can feel it. The almost imperceptible slump of my shoulders as the flutter of excitement that had been lingering in my heart and belly slowly turns sour. Those butterflies that had been stirred up as I hoped to hear from the guy at patriots.com are suffocating. Hell, I think they're dead.

Still no word and with each hour that passes my excitement turns to disappointment which in turn becomes frustration and finally anger. Two weeks. Two weeks and two days. How hard is it to send an email and let me know what the fuck is going on?

Have you ever been stood up? Well I have and it's a feeling best left forgotten. Unfortunately, that's how I feel right now but instead of tapping my foot and checking my watch I'm haunting my inbox and listening for the phone.

Fuck

Yes folks, it's snowing again. Click the picture above for a few more shots of the beautiful white forest in my back yard.

Crikey I just realized in two weeks I'm going to be 34. I was saying to Jeff last night how sweet it would be to celebrate my birthday with full time employment. I should be hearing from the guys at patriots.com early next week. Should be. Hopefully. Maybe. Please Please Please, Oh Please God, Please! A little prayer can't hurt eh? I want this job real bad! Feel free to read that last sentence in manner of Napolean Dynamite. I find it's much more entertaining that way.
So you may or may not have noticed my little satellite icon beeping (silently) over there on the right. I've added yet another new feature to the robust environment that is Jupiter's Hunter. Pardon me while I have a good chuckle over that one.

Ok, I'm done. The satellite link will take you to my new Transmissions page where I will keep links to silly little home movies I've shot with my digital camera. It amazes me still that the camera has a movie feature. With sound! Crazy. There's just no such thing as dedicated anything anymore. But getting back to my movie snippets....they are nothing fancy, or artsy....hell they're probably not interesting or entertaining either. They just happen to be moments I grabbed the camera and filmed for a few seconds. Enjoy. Or not as the case may be.

By the way, I made that little Flash satellite all by myself. It took me two days and you wanna know why? Because I don't know shit about Flash that's why! Duh.

NOTE: For my own selfish reasons, I advise my California friends who have been considering a move back home....avoid reading this post.
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That's it, I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I absolutely cannot take it anymore.
Of course I'm talking about the weather. Ice, snow, wind chill advisory. 14°F and 7-10 inches of snow tonight. This is fucking March! God, I'm going insane. I had to miss my favorite step class tonight due to road conditions and will most certainly have no riding lesson tomorrow. Oh and there's another storm on the way for Saturday.
Great. Swell. Fantasic. Mutherfucker!!
This has put me in an incredibly bad mood. Bad bad bad. I love my house but I am so sick of these walls and closed windows. I'm sick of gray and white landscapes, bare trees and being cold. And God am I ever sick of snow. Sick of it!!! Damn you New England! Damn you to Hell!!! For nearly six months out of the year the weather here sucks. Half the year my deck and back yard are no man's land and I hate it. If the weather was a person I'd be at their house with an angry mob and torches.
Burn it!!! BURN IT!!!!

Sigh. Being in a foul mood exhausts me. I should just go to bed.
If only I could sleep until May.

I think I mentioned before I've been getting back into my YMCA habit. Now that my ankle is all better I've been trying to get my ass to as many classes as I can stand. The problem is, classes taught by my favorite instructor (Jane), and my second favorite instructor (Maria), are outnumbered by classes taught by my least favorite instructor who, in order to protect the clueless, I shall call, oh I dunno.....Julie. It's not even so much that she's my least favorite...that would suggest she's on my favorite list at all which she is not. Thing is, she's a perfectly nice and friendly person... who also happens to be a terrible aerobics & step instructor. Her cuing is horrible, she screws up constantly and to top it all off she picks the most dreadful music imaginable. For these very reasons I've not been in one of her classes since early July. After one particularly bad low impact class, during which I had to suffer through the music of Joseph's (Fucking) Technicolor Dreamcoat, I swore off attending any more she lead. "Fuck it!" I said, "I'll rework my schedule and make up the classes at other times during the week." Then, as fate would have it, I sprained my ankle and had to give up my classes entirely for many months.

But now my ankle is fine, I need to get back into shape...and the Y beckons. Thursday I found myself in a bind. Attend Julie's class or attend no class at all for the day. My goal was at least five classes this week so I had to get in something on Thursday. I figured after all this time perhaps Julie's class had improved. It was reasonable, I thought, to expect she'd gotten better after six months. Silly, silly Diana.

It was worse. Monumentally worse. Her cuing is as bad as ever and her choreography has taken a nosedive. If I wanted to spend forty minutes doing nothing but fucking side lunges and knees I could have stayed home...at least then I'd not have had to listen to the fucking Beach Boys while I was doing it. Arg!!!! Terrible terrible class. So I've had to finagle a new schedule but that's ok, I needed to anyway so I could incorporate my new riding lessons (wednesday 11AM). Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for all you die hard kitty fans...some new pictures.

Surprise! I'm back to my old Blogger account and template. I forgot how much I liked the look of this one. The pretty interface is only part of the reason for the switch. I was getting sick and tired of those fucking comment spammers. Wordpress has all sorts of spam plugins but I was getting nowhere implementing them so I took the lazy way out and here I am. What I don't get is none of those links even went anywhere. What's the point of bombarding someone with spam if you have nothing to show people? Idiots!

I kept some of my old links and brought over all the current blogs I read. A few blasts from the past have returned as well. Namely the never-used forum, my Duchovny gallery and a link to my crap movies. I got a good chuckle watching them again. Maybe I'll make a few more just for laughs.

So we got another stinkin' foot of snow yesterday. Despite how pretty is was to look at I felt my shoulders slump at the sight of it all. Will this winter never end?? *sigh*

In other news last week I began visiting a chiropractor. My back's been bothering me off and on for the past year or so. After poking, prodding and x-rays my doctor (whose name is MacIver...as in MacGyver but different) thinks my back problems are the result of an old injury. And after narrowing it down we came to the conclusion it was probably that fall from a running horse I took back in April of 01. So there's more curve at the base of my spine than there should be and I have a bit of disc degeneration to boot. Man it sucks getting old! But unlike getting old, the condition is reversible. Reversible in that I get to go once a week and have "an adjustment" which is a fancy way of saying "have your spine cracked like a knuckle". But the long and short of it is the adjustments feel good and my back is already feeling better. So much better that after last week (and this week's) adjustment I had my Western riding lesson. And can I just say, Western horseback riding is SO much more fun than English. It's more fun, relaxed, natural, etc etc. I could kick myself for wasting so much time on English. Today I was guiding my horse around the ring, circling poles and doing figures eights...at the walk and sitting trot. No more posting, yay! And no more stinkin' lunge line either. Two lessons and I feel my confidence level is back to where it was years ago pre-fall. They teach bareback riding too which is something I've always had an interest in. For now though I'll concentrate on what I'm doing.

:)

Seems my web host is having some difficulty with MySQL. Some difficulty as in my database is gone and the backup option is suspiciously absent.

In the meantime I've redirected back to my old Blogger account. Feel free to ignore all the old archive links. Hell feel free to ignore this blog entirely since I have nothing to say today anyway aside from explaining it wasn't me who fucked up the works.

Fucking great. Now all my images are down. Fucking simple-host can kiss my simple-ass. I can't access via ftp or my control panel. Piece of shit.

I forgot to mention on my previous post that yesterday Jeff made the most delicious bbq pork ribs ever. EVER people! He's a keeper.

Four days, five pills later and what a difference. Just a slight cough left but for the most part I am feeling back to normal. I'll never again look with suspicion at those walk-in health centers. They treated me and my infection very well indeed and all for my usual office visit co-payment. I need to remember to cancel the appointment I have with my primary on Wednesday. Thanks fer nothing.
Let's see, what's been going on since my last post. I had a bit of a breakthrough in my riding lessons last week. I was so thrilled about this I was going to make it a big long post. Lucky for you all I thought better of it since I'm probably the only one who finds it even remotely interesting. Long story short, I can ride a posting trot with no hands. No holding the reins, no holding Seven's mane and no holding the saddle or breastplate. See, aren't you glad I didn't go on and on about it? Sure you are.
What else. Many of my satellite links were not working so I removed them until I can determine what the problem is. I'd been having problems access my server control panel and email. After two days bitching to support and wondering if I'd been hacked I was able to log on but still the link issues remain. I may end up moving to a new host.
In kitty news, Nikita (aka Bear, aka Roadkill) nearly electrocuted herself this morning. Apparently the incident occurred as she was playing with her favorite toy called a Cat Dancer which is nothing more than bits of cardboard on wire. She absolutely loves this thing and drags it all around the house with her. Seems as she was rolling around with it the wire came into contact with an empty outlet of a powerstrip. Jeff said he heard a sizzle, a pop and the sound a cat running away at top speed. When he investigated he found a shorted out power strip complete with burn mark at the empty outlet and the Cat Dancer wire now cleanly burnt into two pieces. Nikita is fine if somewhat mourning the loss of her favorite toy.
Feya's chin still looks like crap despite the doses of liquid antibiotics I've been giving her twice daily since Wednesday. She's been amazingly good about taking the stuff that for reasons I can't figure, is bright pink and smells like bubble gum. I'm thinking it's just baby medicine they use for cats as well.
That's about all going on. I'm still feeling a bit on the blue side. Having difficulty getting out of bed, or in my case right now, out of the house to take care of my errands. I'll blame the rain.

Right. I'm having server issues so I must rely on Blogger alone. I am ripping the following directly from one of my daily/fav reads Kebabylon. Kebaby is one of the first sites I began reading before my own venture into the blogsphere. Anyway, he had this simple reader quiz on his blog and I stole it (sorry Kev). Just for the record, I have no idea what a Liger* is so don't ask. If you feel like participating, leave yer answers in the comments. Thanks luvs. Oh and by the way, I'm feeling much better in terms of my happy place but I still feel like utter crap. I'm so desperate for medical attention I think I'm going to visit a health stop today.

1. Name?
2. Age?
3. Where do you live?
4. How often are you here?
5. Who would win in a fight? - Pirate or Ninja or Liger
6. Favourite Alcoholic drink?
7. Do you have facial hair?
8. An interesting fact. Tell me something about you that I probably don't know.

*I Googled it. Liger = Cross between a Lion and a Tiger.

Are you in your happy place? You know, feeling pretty ok. There's nothing looming on the horizon or lurking in the cerebellum. Nothing pressing, bugging, nagging, irritating, overwhelming, or on fire? Good. That's nice. I am most definitely not in my happy place. This morning I am having difficulty remembering what my happy place looks like. Allow me to whine for a moment will you? Thanks.
I'm sick. About two and a half weeks into his bacterial infection, Jeff, through no fault of his own, infected me. I've got this cough. It's a real pisser. It lays low most of the day but when the sun goes down the expectorant comes out to play. Since about 4AM this morning I've been coughing up shit I'd expect to see in my garden snacking on my daisies.* Fucking nasty I know. How do you think I feel knowing there's a big ball of that shit in my throat? I'll tell you how. It makes me want to fucking vomit. Sometimes as I'm coughing I almost do. Too much info? Too bad.

Yet another factor in my shit day is acne. Not on me but on my poor cat Feya. I noticed it yesterday. Her beautiful white chin with coffee stain is crusted in black ick. The main cause of feline acne is the use of plastic food bowls. But my kitty bowls are porcelain. Another cause of it ~ stress. Thanks Bear. The orchid chewing and furniture scratching wasn't enough, you had to stress out my good girl. So, she (Feya) has a vet appointment today. You may wonder what the big deal is with acne on a cat. Google it. I dare you. It can get quite serious if left untreated.

Let's wrap up my whine fest shall we? In between coughing and brushing my teeth this morning I did the unthinkable. I stepped on the scale. Why Lord? Why do I torment myself? According to the scale I've gained two pounds. It nearly brought me to tears. And I don't want to hear fuck-all about muscle weighing more than fat. Why the fuck am I killing myself at aerobics? I'm sitting here in my gym clothes as I type this. I have a class in a half hour. I went yesterday morning, and Monday evening. I have power yoga tonight and horseback riding lessons tomorrow and Friday. I have been moving my ass people and yet it's still as large as fucking ever. Alright. I'm done. I have to get going to my hi-low class. I'm sure I'll feel somewhat better for having done it. Maybe I'll catch a glimpse of my happy place. Or maybe I'll just see pudge and a red faced girl.

*Yes, I'm calling my doctor.

Feeling a bit mellow today. Not quite down but close. SOTD fits rather well.

Thanks to my good friend Becky, I have some fun Memorial Day weekend plans to look forward to. She and I are flying down to Virginia Beach to visit her folks. Four days of sitting on the beach doing as much nothing as we like. Fun fun fun.

Finally saw Kill Bill Vol. 2 yesterday. I loved it but I think I still favor the first one. I will resist the urge to buy Vol. 1 on dvd. I will wait until both are released together!

And this is why I call her Bear. That and she eats like a grizzly too.




Watching squirrels from the safety of the sunroom.

Yesterday I decided to join Jeff on his evening run. Before you die of shock let me clarify; I joined him on my bike. You didn't think I was running too did you? I appreciate the thought, I really do but I don't run. Period.

Thanks to the warmer weather and longer daylight hours the frequency which we can get a bit exercise together have increased. It's lots of fun for me. I'm really not sure if Jeff is having fun too, he is the one running after all. Betty really is the coolest bike ever. Yeah, I linked to her picture again, I can't help it. She rocks. Despite her size and weight she manages to float along the pavement with what looks like little effort from me. Anyway, Jeff and I were on our second loop of the neighborhood when out of the corner of my eye on my right I see a streak of white making it's way toward me. I'm not 100% positive but I think it was a Jack Russell terrier and this thing ran a block and a half at top speed in order to catch up to me. It's stubby legs carried him swiftly from the end of the cul de sac where he'd been to the street I was turning down. I saw him coming and not being a big fan of small dogs (sorry Mark) I made the executive decision to not slow down or swerve. He'd made a distinct effort to get to me and I was not about to slow my pace so the shit would have a better shot at biting my ankle or foot. I increased my speed a tiny bit as he came up my right huffing and growling, again I was thinking he was after my feet, seeing as how that's all the fat bastard could possibly reach. Oh no, my friends, he kept right on running and in a moment I realized his goal was to get in front of my bike. Now, Betty is no slim road bike and I am no slight girl out for a breezy ride who would balk at say, a collision. In the split second I knew he was heading up in some vain doggy effort to bring down my bike I made a decision too...to run his bitch ass down if he got in front of me. I'm pretty sure at that point I did in fact pick up my pace (I may have even stood on the pedals in my glee) and I know for damn sure my expression turned from one of alarmed surprise to smirking anticipation. Yes, I am a cruel, cruel woman. I know this. But alas, it was not to be, for before Betty could mow him down like a weed before a lawn tractor, Jeff came swooping in from my left. Running bent down to the ground and issuing a low growl of his own he took no more than three steps toward the terrier before it turned tail and ran back down the street it came from. I must admit to a slight feeling of disappointment but I laughed and thanked Jeff for
saving me (and more to the point, saving the dog, har). If there's one thing I hate more than an untrained dog, it's an untrained dog running through the neighborhood without leash or fence. Pisses me right the fuck off it does.

Funny thing, on our third and final loop of the neighborhood as we came down the same road we'd met the dog, we passed three teenagers with shaved-heads and a sort of Limp Bizkit look about them. One was carrying the terrier in his arms. I'm guessing it chased somebody else and they'd gone to retrieve it. Dude, that terrier really isn't doing much for your wanna-be punk persona. What? Your Mama wouldn't let you get a pit bull?

Beeyatch!

Oh yeah, I killed all 88. Werd. I was hoping for a little boss round but nope. You kill them all, game over. Still lots of fun, I think I'll play some more.